Telling her story and coming to herself won’t be easy. Nova writes.

Queen Sugar: Nova Bordelon with mentions of Sierra and Chantal. Plus family, 336 words

“Loving her feels felt like a nightmare mixed with my wildest dreams. I always felt like running.

From the shadow, you can’t see but you can feel it behind you. Creeping close enough to catch you. Bringing you face to face with what you fear most. And then there she is. Arms open and heart understanding even when she challenged. Forcing me to face that fear head-on. Not before I did run.  Away from the dream of freedom. Right into a shadow of myself. I’m  lost.”

Nova finally sits the pen down when her hand really starts to shake. Reading it over again she tries to change what she knows is no real mistake. She should have typed this. Would have been easier she knew for the things she didn’t want to see to disappear with a keystroke, but something kept pulling her to her first notebook instead. Nova reads the words again now that her hands have stilled. By the time she gets back to the last word, her eyes sting with tears.

“Shit.”

She hadn’t even told Sierra about her. Chantal.  Felt too raw. Too close to past tense since that seems to be the only way she told Sierra anything these days. Nova sighs at the realization of that. What kind of person told a so-called best and oldest friend things already long gone? The type that kept secrets and manipulated words to keep from facing lies. The kind that did the same to her only baby sister when she didn’t really mean it. Aunt Vi’s words still stung her like a slap across the jaw and her words to Micah came ringing back in her ears. Forcing her out of her seat at her desk.

“What were your intentions?”

The talk with Sierra and Too Sweet had left Nova too exposed. Left her thoughts too loud and the pain come fresh. The walk to the back of the house was brisk. Her notebook stayed behind. She needed a blunt.