writingwithcolor:

Bad to have a Disabled Love Interest?

Absolutely not. By claiming somebody disabled is a second class love interest, you’re hearing some very old ideas about disabled people that imply:

1- we’re not lovable

2- we’re unable to love

3- we’re unable to adequately meet a relationship’s physical needs (both cuddling and sex)

All of those are false. While we might need to be loved differently, show love differently, or meet physical needs differently, it’s not lesser.

You haven’t specified type of disability, but these ideas crop up for physical and mental disabilities. We’re just as adequate romantic/sexual partners as somebody non-disabled, and by showing us as both desirable and able to reciprocate a relationship, you are helping break down the assumptions you’re hearing.

You’ll have to be careful not to reduce him to stereotypes (you will need disabled sensitivity readers that match your character’s disability for this, and buckets of research), and careful not to put her in a desexualized caretaker role (especially Strong Black Woman and Mammy), but because you’re writing a romance arc you’re already focusing on the romantic and sexual feelings of the pair so you have something to counteract those instincts.

The caretaker role might take on a different aspect if the disabled person requires care taking and receives benefits to pay for it. In the United States, disability benefits will be cut if the person gets married. This is because disability offices assume that the spouse will be 1- an adequate caretaker (even if that care is 24/7), 2- able to make enough to afford it independently (in this economy?).

Should the person require aid (he might not! Not all disabled people need it) and they want to get married, you’ll have to take Strong Black Woman and Mammy into consideration. Make sure to keep the emotions complex and the romance alive.

Disabled people are not somebody you “deserve better” to associate with. They’re just as viable a partner as somebody non-disabled.

~ Mod Lesya